Confessions of a Joe Rogan Fanboy

Mather Schneider
8 min readJun 24, 2023
Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash

Hi, I’m Mike. It has been 64 days since my last Joe Rogan. I’m standing here before you today, because I know you, I know where you’ve been, and I can say that there is hope. I can see it in your faces: you’re thinking, this guy doesn’t know shit, he has no idea of the depths of despair I have been through trying to kick Joe Rogan. Friends, let me share my story.

It all started a couple of years ago when my wife went to visit her mother for a week. I was alone in the house, unemployed, and drinking heavily. I thought, Woo hoo, vacation time! I was sitting in the kitchen drinking beer one morning, flipping through Youtube, when something caught my eye. A show called The Joe Rogan Experience. It was called a “podcast.” I remembered Joe Rogan’s face from the television show, News Radio, so I clicked on it. Joe Rogan’s latest guest was a guy who had lived in the Alaska wilderness all alone for a year. Holy shit! I pressed “play” on my phone and sat there drinking and listening for 3 hours, not realizing my life would never be the same.

There were several hundred backlogged Joe Rogan shows. For a week I jumped out of bed, went to the store, bought beer and listened to 3 or 4 Joe Rogans all day. When my wife would text me from her mother’s, I would get annoyed that she interrupted Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan was like sweet nectar flooding my insides. I thought, Where has Joe Rogan been all my life? Joe Rogan filled that hole in my soul. I can see by your nods, friends, that you know what I’m talking about.

My wife finally came home from her mother’s and this put a damper on my Joe Rogan habit. But I was sly and shifty, and I found my ways. I would say “I’m going to the gym.” Joe Rogan talked a lot about going to the gym, you see, so he gave me the idea. But I wouldn’t really go to the gym. I would drive to a nearby parking lot and sit and listen to Joe Rogan while drinking my beer. I simply could not get enough of Joe Rogan. It was like he, and his guests, were speaking directly to me. They connected to me more than any television program ever did, more than Malcolm in the Middle or Everybody Loves Raymond. They connected to me more than Rush Limbaugh or NPR. Way more! I had read some authors who had seemed to connect to me in a similar way, but nothing like Joe Rogan. I forgot about Bukowski, Henry Miller, Socrates, all those…

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Mather Schneider

Small press burnout. Stories and poetry the best I can. Become a member and help me out: https://matherschneider.medium.com/membership